Jack-asses

Six Months to Greatness... Apparently.

Have y'all seen the latest social media brain cramp?

There's a growing movement of keyboard gladiators who honestly believe an NFL football player could trade his shoulder pads for a soccer ball and be an elite soccer player in six months.

Six months.

That's all it takes now.

The American IQ must've hit its lowest level since dial-up internet first made that screeching noise.

And this isn't one guy posting from his mom's basement after three energy drinks.

There's a whole army of them with collective IQ yet to be determined.

These people are doing your taxes, advising government, coaching kids, so we got that going for us as a bonus.

One fella from Louisiana was pounding his chest, explaining that soccer players mostly come from third-world countries...

Louisiana.

Read that again.

A guy from Louisiana is lecturing the world about third-world countries.

You can't make this stuff up, they can sure suck the brains out of a crawdad, though, that takes skill, easily aquired in 6 months.

But it did give me an idea.

If we're embracing low-IQ theories, let's go all in.

Why don't we start breeding donkeys to become Thoroughbreds?

I know...

It's a jackass of an idea.

But hear me out.

Foal crops are declining.

Maybe we've been looking at the problem all wrong.

Forget better matings.

Forget pedigree.

Forget conformation.

Let's just recruit donkeys.

We'll call them...

Jack-Breds.

What's really the difference between a Thoroughbred and a jackass?

• They both have four legs.

• They both have tails.

• They both have big ears.

Well... Some jackasses walk on two legs and spend all day posting on social media, so I suppose we're already halfway there, and they breed and multiply, so why not?

We'll write conditions.

Jack-Breds, two-year-olds and upward.

Restricted races for Jennies and fillies.

The whole works.

And according to the internet, if we train them correctly for six months...One of them ought to win a Grade 1.

Why stop there?

Let's point one to the Breeders' Cup.

After all, six months cures everything.

It's a win-win.

The breeding industry gets more runners.

It's already started in Wisconsin, Burro Racing

Social media gets another fantasy to believe in, in the future we can look forward to Donkstar Farm, Spendass Farm, and even Godonking Farm. We can have Yearling Ass sales, two-year-old jack-asses in training breezes.

And somewhere, somebody is already typing...

"Actually, Bruno... that could work."

Of course they are.

They probably also think a Triple Crown winner could become an NBA All-Star by Christmas.

Hee-haw