Handicappers

Robin Williams was a treasure, he was brilliant.

I wonder what he would have said about racing.

His golf stand up on Broadway was one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

Here's how I think it would go:

'I got an idea on a new sport.

We put little men on a horse and go 30 miles per hour.'

"oh you mean like polo''

'Fork off polo'

'Starting from a gate that looks like a toll booth in the Jersey Turnpike'

"oh you mean like Nascar''

'Fork No, real live horse'

"Oh you mean like quarter horse racing?"

'Fork Quarter horse racing, I make them run long distance like a mile, mile and one quarter'.

'And, its a great game, because I let ordinary men and women bet on them.'

"oh like Bingo!"

'fork off bingo, I make them run around in circles, around tight turns'

"oh like Greyhound racing!''

'Fork No, I make them run on the dirt and on the grass with as many 14 horses in one race'

'I got an idea ~~~ we can call the players Handicappers, because there is got to be something wrong with them to bet horses going around in circles.'

'Oh oh oh we also make them bet pick 4, pick 5, pick 6s stringing together horizontal wagers, and also let them play vertical wagers playing from win bet to place, show, exactas, trifectas, and even super and pentafectas.'

'You got to have an handicap to torture yourselves being inches away from a score when another horse puts his nose of front of yours, a stride from the gate.'

'And, the announcer will call it 'it's a photo', when you know you already forking lost'.

'That's it we will call it a photo finish, even though you know you got bobbed'.

'O fork this is great, this is forking brilliant, we put three little blind men in a booth and they can take your horse down.'

"Oh you mean like a penalty flag for a foul"

'Fork off penalty flag, they take your monies and give it to somebody else!'

'At the end of the race, there is a little finish line with a mirror, to give you forking hope you get there first.'

'And, I make the horses run by you after the finish line, to make you believe you could have won.'

'O, even better, I will add some talking heads to tell you why the winner won and why he was a cinch after the race, despite not saying anything worthwhile before the race.'

'and even tease you with the dappled horses in the paddock before the race'.

""oh you mean like the Palo Di Siena, just one race?"

'Fork off, Siena, we make them do it 10 times or more a day'

That's how I felt when going from the thrill of victory to having snatched by the jaws of defeat with Full Serrano in the Pacific Classic, the worse part that he got beat by a non-winners of 2 lifetime horse in Mixto.

'O and we make them talk about it until you puke, how close you were to winning'.

That's why we are handicappers, because we have to be 'drain bamaged' to handle these bad beats.

"Did you win today?''

'Fork no, but I am going to win tomorrow'

We miss Robin Williams.