We all love Derby Weekend, we all love the buffet of racing presented for our enjoyment, but there is always that one guy!
For those of you who know me a bit, I like to entertain with tongue firmly planted in cheek.
I have a very weird and sarcastic sense of humor, but I am referring to having also overcome ourselves.
Yes, us, we have to protect the weekend from ourselves.
Let's call it like it is, stupid shit.
For example, you get your racingwithbruno off the Brunowiththeworks.com subscriber hub, and you decide to just keep it open and handicap, going back and forth, not saving your file.
What could go wrong?
After the 4th time you open and flip to the race, you are locked out. The Horror!
Bruno must come to the rescue like underdog
Thanks a lot, you now write me or text me in a panic, that Text or Email walk of Shame
"I can't open the sheet, I am locked out,''
It would have taken you a second to save the file on to your computer and for safe measures emailed it to yourself, and it's on your phone, so it can't grow legs and walk off. The logical thing to do.
So, now you need me to stop whatever I am doing and save your ass from drowning. I am an excellent swimmer by the way.
If i am at home i can quickly take care of it, and send your file, I cannot unlock it, that feature is NOT available to me, but i can email it
You know I like to talk to you, give you a guilty conscience, I blame my Italian mother, she loved to needle and I am not talking about sewing.
I have had situations where I am driving, and get the 911 call, text or email.
My favorite line: 'Do you have somebody who can help me?' and 'don't you have people for that?'
Yes, a wonderful ER Trauma Psychiatrist named Dr Bonura.
Save your file! Email it to yourself, and DO NOT GO BACK AND FORTH, and then expect me to bail you out.
If you can't follow that rule you shouldn't be making complex decisions like P4, P5s, superfectas, life insurance policy decisions.
Specifically this Saturday, I will be at Churchill Downs.
The most overheard scenes under the Twin Spires between races is:
"Can you hear me now?"
Cell service is like finding lemonade stand in the Sahara.
I love helping you out, but on a day like Saturday, and I am attending the Derby, as we have an interest running in Grade 1 event, more on that later in the week, I may not be able to help you.
SAVE YOUR FILE.
My overs and under for the weekend is O/U 3.
Three unfortunate souls will violate Amy Kearns favorite racing rule: "Don't be an idiot''.
Now, after screwing the pooch and not saving your file, you need to be bailed out, and you still actually think you can win?
It thoroughly fucks up your Chee and Zen, in Amy Kearns favorite words.
Ask those who have violated the rule, they will tell you, its the kiss of death.
Say it out loud.!!!!
All together now.
SAVE MY FILE and email it to myself.
If you can't follow that one rule, what are you doing betting? Right or wrong, just write one big check to aftercare of thoroughbreds.
The Racingwithbruno.com Daily Sales and fullfillment, is, actually, really good.
I actually give you two ways, because for starters, its better than one, and its a fool proof way to get your product, at least I thought it would be.
1.) You can buy using our credit card processor, Square, and download your product right there, off the site, but it also sends you an email receipt with the links to download as well.
I will take full credit for thinking ahead, but people screw that up too.
How?
1.) They mispell their email and the receipt goes into outer space to a galaxy far far away.
2.) They use one email because that's on file but are looking for it on their other email.
I am protecting the identity of those who have violated that rule.
Miss Cleo I am NOT! I cannot read the mind of where that email is supposed to go.
Paypal, is a wonderful easy company to use for commerce.
Some players like to use it, and its hooked up to a specific email, however, with Paypal it doesn't send you a receipt with the links, you have to flip back to the site and download off the site.
I am going to say it again: with Paypal it doesn't send you a receipt with the links, you have to flip back to the site and download off the site.
Here is a recent exchange.
Me: "I just emailed you".
Downloader 10 minutes later: "I never got it"
Me: "I sent it to the emai to Paypal email on your account"
Downloader: "I don't use that email anymore!"
My face is like that Kevin Hart GIF:
All these experiences make for great stories, like the other day, I had one who texted me:
I was busy entering over 850 works for the whole week at Churchill and across the country and this guy wants a seminar.
I love my people, I pick up all the phone calls myself, some of you know, I readily available, but dude, its Sunday of Derby week and you want a seminar.
Help Me, Help You, let me get everything done. Trust me it will be worthwhile.
So I am taking another step to make sure you are going to be taken care of, and most important about approaching this weekend with confidence and excitement.
So, I made an executive decision:
We have set up Amy Kearns with a special email: Amy.Racingwithbruno@gmail.com for this weekend, and other special weekends where its a nightmare to get thru at the track.
This email is for lost sheet, replacement, this is not 'who do you like today?'
Trust me you think I am a 'peach' you don't want to get on Amy's bad side. We nicknamed her HR, as in Human Resource Department Specialist, so SAVE YOUR $#%^& FILE~!
Laz, John, those two fellow Racingwithbruno workmates, shake in their boots when she has to get involved.
Laz specifically, he lost complete control of his bodily functions, necessatating plumbers being involved, but thats a story for another time.
Amy has a way to make you shake in your boots with a simple sweet Kentucky accent that, well, I hope you don't hear it, because you think its an angel gutting you like a catfish.
Having said all that WE are here for you.
'Dont be an idiot this weekend' in that Amy Kearns Kentucky drawl!